I had written this article about compromise almost a year ago, and realized that I never even published it. It was sitting in my drafts, so I guess no time like the present to dig it up and send it out to the world!

I'm not trying to give any advice here, this is about me sorting out things in my personal life, things regarding lifestyle and prioritizing. And even though this was originally written a year ago, a lot of it still holds true.

In general I am a pretty happy person, I am laid back and easy to get along with. But also, I am prone to over thinking and overanalyzing, and as anyone knows, both of those things can get to you. I feel lucky to be where I am, I have a roof over my head, things in my house, a girlfriend, and I get to do a lot of fun and interesting things that a lot of people never get to do. (Even little fun day trips like this!) I know that I should express more gratitude for all the great things that I have in my life.

However, at the same time, I feel like I need more. Not more things, not more money, but more life. I feel a yearning deep down inside that I am meant for more, that there is more for me to do. And these thoughts lead me to sometimes feel stagnant. Not that anything about right now is bad, but that there is more that could be. And often I find it hard to find a balance between what I want and yearn for and what I currently have. Sometimes feelings of contentment conflict with these yearnings, and finding middle ground and stability is hard for me, and finding this middle ground is something I need because it will then allow me to nurture my personal relationships, while at the same time not compromising my ideals or my happiness.

I understand that life is about compromise, that you can't give into every whim and every want, that sacrificing for those you love can be a reward in itself, however the questions that I ask myself is:

How much is the right amount? Am I being too selfish when I indulge my yearnings? And my compromising too much of myself? How can I stay happy and true to myself and grow into the person I want to become while also being responsible to my current obligations?

Quite often I feel that my life is very dualistic. I am usually happy and satisfied to go home to a quiet and modest home, happy being an average person with an average life. But then there are days where I wonder if I am following a path which will always leave me wondering what's out there if were to follow another path just a little further. I know that life is a journey, that we reach points that we have to make choices. Compromise is a part of life. I know this. But where and when is it time to draw a line in the sand, to learn to be content or to indulge the yearnings that are deep within? How do we know when compromise is right and when it's wrong?

Labels: compromise, personal development

I have been thinking a lot about my life lately. About things like abundance, positive thinking, manifesting desires, and living the life I want. I am by nature a person without a lot of certainty, I am always double thinking, over thinking, second guessing, and oddly I know a lot about what I don't want but not a lot about what I do want.

Just recently I read this post by Steve Pavlina and it made me realize, even though I am great at dreaming and I want a lot out of life, I am not a great manifester. Which subsequently got me into an email conversation with a friend of mine who is currently in the process of manifesting the perfect life for herself.

It started with me writing an email, asking her if she thought I am inadvertantly manifesting scarcity in my life because of what I believe and my values. I have strong feelings about consumerism and over consumption, and I don't think money buys happiness. (I do believe that security can help happiness though.) So my question to her was, being that I don't think material abundance is necessory nor is it something I am interested in, does that mean that am I putting myself into a mindset of scarcity? Monetarily and materially I am quite happy with what I have, but I got to thinking if these feelings of contentment were in turn creating contentment in other areas where I may be lacking. And finally I was curious her thoughts on what I could do do align my beliefs and desires with a state of mind which would manifest abundance in other areas of my life, not necessarily relating to finances.

And of course, she had some very good feedback for me.

To address my question about financial abundance and being content, she made some good points that I had been thinking about. That it's not about overconsuming, but rather having enough/plenty of money, and having things you want that were made with care and that will last. And I suppose that if money is what it takes to do the things I want, regardless of whether it is a lot or a little, then that means having abundance. And a great way of looking at it, she said that if she chooses to shop at a thrift store, it's not about being cheap, it is about the treasures that can be uncovered. That it's about the ability to find the best things for her (or anyone), without needing to think about the price tag.

She told me that she visualizes her life being abundant. And suggested a gratitude journal, saying it helped her. Each morning she would write down 6 amazing things, things really crazy amazing to align herself with what she wanted to manifest. Then, before bed, she would write down 5 things that were positive and abundant things about the day to remind herself that she is already happy with the life that she is living.

The things she told me were all very positive and I am going to try to integrate some of them into my life starting today. We will see over the next few weeks if visualing happiness, success, and abudance can help me make some changes in my life.

Labels: how-to, inspiration, personal development, thinking

Photo credit: juicyraiI found this article about how to send food back at a restaurant over at Bohemian Revolution, and I think it's great advice. For a lot of people, this is trivial information, but it's always good being reminded that it's ok to send food back if you are not happy, and that there is a way to do it without being a jerk.

How to send food back at a restaurant

Labels: how-to, interesting, personal development, tips

The other day Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Noncomformity posted a really interesting article about social networking for introverts. It really struck me because I tend toward being introverted myself. And in one of the comments, someone said something that really resonated with me. Nicole from Just Make It Better noted that someone she knew would say

It’s not that I don’t like being around people, it’s just that I prefer to be around the ones that I like.

And that pretty much explains me.

I am good at conversation and I enjoy being around people, the catch is I have to like them to have a good time. In the past I have been told that I can be a bit standoff-ish or unfriendly, to which I say, I am neither, it's just that I have to know you first. Chris says in his article that when he is seated on an airplane next to people he may not have much in common with that "sometimes we’ll talk and sometimes we won’t, and either way is fine with me."

All of this makes perfect sense to me. However, I think that there are extroverts who don't quite understand this mentality, they think this behavior tends towards anti-social. They thrive on conversation, and on meeting new people, whether or not there is any mutual connection. Whereas for me, when I meet new people I have no problem with chit chat, but once I know that there isn't much in common, I become bored and the conversation can get strained. For me to be stimulated and to really enjoy someone's company, I need a deeper connection. I don't mean a sexual or intimate connection, but I need to know that the person I'm speaking with really understands me, and then the conversation can go on for hours. I have had several friends like this in the past, and spending time with them was always great. We would debate and philosophize and talk about dreams and aspirations and life and bounce topics off each other. But when I don't feel that connection, I am ok with being alone. And enjoying solitude is a scary thought for some people, but that's another topic altogether.

So to get back to Chris' article, the thing that is really profound is that the majority of the people who commented on his post seemed to share the common trait of being introverts. Maybe there is some correlation? Maybe he attracts fellow introverts? Who knows. But maybe a reason we introverts can embrace social networking so well is because it allows us to create the deeper connections that we thrive on more easily. Another thing of note is that I'd say most of Chris' followers are independent, motivated, and intelligent people.

Certainly all people I'd like to call my friends, in real life or not.


Related Links:
Social Media Makes Us Approachable

Labels: interesting, personal development, social networking, thinking

I've found another blog I like, so I figured I'd share it. I'll give another little shout out on Monday regarding what led me to Nicole's blog, Just Make It Better, but for now I want to pass this article along.

I won't waste my time paraphrasing what she wrote, but I will say she's right on regarding what she says about being yourself and doing what makes you happy. And she also points out a couple of the traps that we (myself included) fall into when it comes to following the rules even if it doesn't benefit us.

It's not how it's done, it's how you do it.

Labels: interesting, personal development

Mt Whitney Summit -- August 2008There are days when I feel accomplished, and there are days when I feel down. Sometimes life seems to get a little boring, and the days begin to pass in the blink of an eye. So I've decided to write this post in an effort to keep myself inspired and to remind myself not to let my life get too boring as I quickly approach my 31st year. There are some things that I've accomplished that I can look back upon to remind myself that I am living, and there things I want to do to make sure I keep living. On days when life gets frustrating and starts to seem pretty boring, I remind myself of these things that I've done and can continue to be proud of. And along with that, I have to keep reminding myself of all the things out there that I want to do!

So here is my list... What are your accomplishments and goals? How do you stay motivated?

Done and/or accomplished:

• Summitted the highest mountain in the continental United States (Mt Whitney) in one day (up and back, 22 miles, 18 hours, 6000+ ft elevation gain)
• Driven across the United States (3 times, once alone, twice with a friend)
• Bicycled from San Diego, California to Phoenix, Arizona, 400 miles in 7 days
• Backpacked Spain alone for two weeks and also ventured into Morocco
• Completed a half marathon
• Left my family and moved to California by myself
• Went to the 2003 NCAA Final Four Basketball tournament at the Louisiana Superdome
• Taken a train some 3000 or so miles across the United States
• Driven the gorgeous Pacific Coast Highway up the California coast to Monterrey
• Fasted on water only for 4 days

Things I want to do: (Not limited to just this list :) )

• Finish a marathon or longer race
• Take an overnight hiking/backpacking trip
• Ride my bike up the Pacific Coast
• TRAVEL more (Asia, Africa, more of Europe, South America, anywhere really)
• Live in a van or RV for at least a month
• Hike some or all of the Appalachian Trail
• Become self employed

Labels: adventure, biking, hiking, inhibitions, lifestyle, personal development, random

Disclaimer: I should preface this article by saying that I do not currently have the job I love. This is really an article based on my thoughts, and one that can hopefully one day help me.

The situation

Perfect hit - Photo credit cloud_nineThe situation I seem to perpetually be in is one where my job is tolerable and pays decently with decent benefits, however I know that it is not the right place for me to be. In today's economy, conventional wisdom seems to say you should stick with something that is decent, however I don't necessarily agree with that. Sure, people are out of work and some would do anything for a job, but does that mean I have to tolerate something I don't enjoy? I'm not talking about walking out on a job, I'm just talking about actively pursuing something better. What inevitably happens with me is that I look for months and months at job listings, but I know that all would simply be lateral moves, just a band aid so to speak. And again, conventional wisdom says a job is a job, but quite honestly in my opinion conventional wisdom has never made people truly happy, it's the out of the box thinking that seems to reap the rewards. So what I want is to push my limits and find the "right" job rather than just another job that will fizzle after a year or so.

My predicament
By training I am a software engineer. I truly do not mind doing this work. What I mind is the mindset that seems to come along with most typical corporate environments. The need to keep producing and work more hours, without a concern of management for employees' personal lives. From my experience, most places that are corporate seem to expect that everyone should want to work as much as possible, to suck every last ounce of productivity out of their days. And if they are really productive, they simply get more work rather than a pat on the back for a job well done and some time off. And when it comes to time off, though I am lucky to get a generous four weeks, I also am sort of forced to implicitly think that this is enough, that most people get less thus I am lucky. And when I use it, rather than a "enjoy your time off, you deserve it", I get the wiseass comments like "Who approved this?" or am made to feel like I am getting more than I should. What it must be like to work somewhere where management treat everyone fairly and actually care about your personal life! On top of this, it seems that corporate environments seem to breed negativity, something of which I am guilty of participating in more than I care to admit. I have had two co-workers leave the company, one to attempt to start a coffee cart, and another to open a pet business, and both were not sent off with well wishes, but were chastised behind their back for doing so.


So what do you/I want?

My job - Photo credit estonMost people seem to accept the status quo, and that if things are decent that is as good as they can or will get. So as in my situation, many people say that I should be lucky or thankful to have what I have (which I truly am), but at the same time I don't think just because everyone else accepts something as a "success" that I should have to feel the same way. Sure, things could be a lot worse, I could have bad co-workers, worse bosses, less vacation, a more rigid schedule with longer hours, the list goes on, but does this excempt me from having my own lofty goals or ambitions? Just because everyone else accepts certains things doesn't mean we all have to. Certain lives work for certain people, but not everyone sees things the same way. Because most people barely even get paid time off does that mean I should start believing that two weeks is great? No, I still firmly belive that everyone should get 4 to 6 weeks paid time off.

So what do I want? Quite simply, I want to work somewhere that I can apply my specific skill set to help make the world a better place. Sitting in a cubilce writing code for Company X doesn't feed that criteria. A company or organization that can harness my skills and directly apply them to making the world a better place. And to surround myself with people who feel the same thing and care about work and life, and not just work. People who can share in life outside of work as friends and who can separate the need to work with the need to enjoy life, and who can inspire you to be a better person, and not just a better worker.


Where to look?

I heart my job - Photo credit cobalt123So we have now reached the point where I don't have any answers. The run of the mill job boards like Montster and Career Builder seem to be corporate breeding grounds, looking for more drones. Craigslist seems to be a bit better for interesting opportunities, but Craigslist is also notorious for surfacing people who are flakes. I don't know if that extends into the job postings as well, but I can say for sure there are always a lot of start up opportunities on there, which typically don't pay. So for this question, I don't have a good answer for where to look for your perfect job. I suppose it depends what you are looking for. I am starting to really believe that I can look and look and will never find my perfect job, I think one day it will find me. Good old networking probably is the best way to find the perfect job.

Is it possible in today's economy?
I believe it is, yes. The economy may be bad and people may be getting laid off, but if you are a self starter the claim is that economic down times can be one of the best times to start a new enterprise. You just have to know where to look for your niche. And regardless, even though times are bad when I browse the help wanted sections there are plenty of opportunities.

What do you think?
Share your thoughts. Where are the best places to look for extraordinary jobs? Are those jobs still out there right now? Are good employees staying put?

You may be interested in Idealist Cafe recommended books.

Labels: 9to5, how-to, inspiration, lifestyle, personal development, work

I am a frequent reader of Chris Guillebeau over at The Art of Non Comformity. He seems to be a good guy and have some great advice on unconventional life strategies. I read enough, actually maybe too much, about personal development and non conventional living, so sometimes I just skim a lot of these articles. I am at a point in my life where I know what I need to know to make a change, now it's up to me to finally put into action what I have been reading for the past few years. For some reason I just can't seem to get over the invisible hump I am facing. There are times when I am flowing with ideas, inspiration, and creativity, yet at other times I get down on myself and wonder what the heck I am doing. During these times, the inspiration fades and I find myself cursing these people whos websites I follow, wondering how they've made it happen while I seem to be running in place.

Anyway, when I read this latest post over at The Art of Non Comformity, it was truly inspirational to me. It was the first time in reading his blog that he shared a lot the struggles he's been having as of late. Not that I am happy he is struggling and second guessing himself, but seeing someone who in my eyes has been rather successful strugglimg with issues tht are similiar to what I and we all face each day makes him a bit more of an inspiration. So head over there and check him out.

Also, a new motto to live by?

I just finished reading Ayn Rand's We The Living, which lead me to do some research about Rand herself. During that time I stumbled onto a quote of hers which I'd like to make me new motto.

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.

Labels: fear, inspiration, personal development, unconventional living